- Genetic predisposition
- Consistent refusal to recognize or accept undue authority
- Constant need for acceptance
- Lack of self-esteem
- Dysfunctional relationship with my father
- The lifelong circle of friends I grew up with
- Ongoing desire not to end up like the majority of authority figures surrounding me
- Being pushed into major life decisions I had no interest in pursuing
- General lack of accountability for my own actions
- Lack of any worthwhile support system
- Ongoing fear of commitment
- Consistently feeling as if I’ve failed to live up to others’ – and my own – expectations
- Mounting layers of guilt and self-loathing
- Financial instability
- Misleading those who were closest to me
- The drinking culture surrounding me
- The collegiate drinking culture
- Spending nearly a decade working in the amusement industry
- Living in a town where the bars were open until 5 AM (And another where the bars are currently open until 4 AM)
- Ongoing lack of confidence in my physical appearance
- Lack of any other worthwhile means of distinguishing myself
- Inevitable need for a crutch in the majority of social situations
- Desire to meet or approach members of the opposite sex
- Desire to resemble a lot of the early heroes I chose
- Type-A personality
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Iatrophobia
- Arrested development
- Mistakes made as a result of previous binge-drinking incidents
- Every Samuel Adams Seasonal Lager with the exception of Spring Ale
- Rumple Minze
- Taking on too much at once
- Years of surface rejection
- The notion that binge drinking might do for me what I lacked the guts to do for myself
- The fact that binge drinking was responsible for some of the best – and worst – nights of my life
- The desire to overcompensate for my general lack of self-esteem by consistently bedding drunk strangers
- The notion that years of binge-drinking might provide a guilt-free alternative to suicide
- Subconscious desire to push away every person who ever tried to love me
- Subconscious cry for attention
- The prevailing myth that all great writers were also alcoholics
- The proven reality that a lot of world-class writers are also world-class drinkers
- Need for escape
- Cowardice
- Never feeling quite right in my own skin
- General failure to connect with people on a day-to-day basis
- A sense that people might excuse some of my awkward behavior if they simply chalked it up to me being drunk
- Leaving home at the age of 18
- Never quite feeling like I had a real home after running away
- Habit (i.e., cyclical behavior)
***
(Moving On is a regular feature on IFB.)