Moving On: 42 Out-of-Context Comments Regarding My Binge-Drinking That Regularly Come Back to Haunt Me

  1. otis“As of this morning, your missing card’s run up a little over $3,300 in new charges, leaving you with an available balance of negative 36.”
  2. “Do you ever think you’ll go back to drinking?”
  3. “Do you remember telling my sister to go fuck herself last night?”
  4. “I don’t get you. You claim you’ve quit drinking because you don’t like who you’ve become, and yet you’re really not that interesting, otherwise.”
  5. “I don’t understand why you pay tuition to do this.”
  6. “I don’t want to be with you this weekend.”
  7. “I guess I’ll just go kill myself.”
  8. “I just don’t think I want to be with a clown for the rest of my life.”
  9. “I just don’t understand what was going on inside your head.”
  10. “I think the two of us are fucking each other up.”
  11. “I’m not a woman.”
  12. “I’m not used to seeing you when you don’t reek like a puddle of piss.”
  13. “I’m pregnant.”
  14. “I’m sorry. I can’t think of someone who would break into my house, then steal my last six-pack as a person who I’d want to call my friend.”
  15. “I’m sorry things didn’t work out. Could you please refrain from calling me? It’s really disrupting.”
  16. “It’s possible you still behave like a child because you’ve never felt accepted for any of your choices as an adult. It’s also possible you’ve never taken accountability for any of those choices.”
  17. “Maybe Santa’ll bring you a new tooth this year.”
  18. “Mike said he found you stark naked, ass-up, lying on the bathroom tiles earlier this morning.”
  19. “Mr. Hill, it is my opinion after hearing the officer’s account and witnessing your behavior in this courtroom that you may have potential for a problem.”
  20. “No offense, but you’re really not wanted around here anymore.”
  21. “OK. But we’re only gonna be friends, alright?”
  22. “Please delete this number. Not kidding.”
  23. “She had a miscarriage.”
  24. “Somebody told me you were dead.”
  25. “Ten pounds worth of potatoes inside a five-pound sack.”
  26. “To sum up – and I’m going to be blunt here – you are an ass and your excuses are lame.”
  27. “The system won’t allow me to charge any more drinks using this card. It’s saying that you’re overdrawn.”
  28. “We don’t care that you peed yourself. We care that you did it on our sofa.”
  29. “We don’t serve you … ever.”
  30. “Well, there’s fun drunk and then there’s Bob-Hill drunk. Nobody wants to be the latter.”
  31. “When you’re in a relationship, nothing good happens in a bar after 1 AM.”
  32. “Who are you and what are you doing naked in my apartment?”
  33. “Will you be OK if we end up hanging out in a bar?”
  34. “Yeah, well, it’s 5 o’clock in the morning, and this isn’t the first time you’ve shown up drunk, knocking on my door.”
  35. “Y’know, everybody wants to make fun of the spics. But the spics show up for work on time. Otherwise, what do I got? I got asshole kids like you who call out sick then wander up here drunk three hours later. And you wonder why I fired you.”
  36. “You try to run, I’ll shoot you.”
  37. “You’re a loser. You’ll always be a loser.”
  38. “You’re a rebel without a clue.”
  39. “You’re going to jail.”
  40. “You’re just a punk. That’s all you’ll ever be is a punk.”
  41. “You’re not in Virginia. You’re at my parents’ house in Long Island.”
  42. “You’re under arrest.”

Day 958

(Moving On is a regular feature on IFB.)

©Copyright Bob Hill