Film Capsule: Paranoia

The problem with Paranoia – the movie, not the concept – is that it relies far too heavily on the average moviegoer’s stupidity in order to get its plot across. It’s the box-office equivalent of paying good money to have some asshole in a clown suit insult you at the dunk tank, the only real differences being:

  • The average dunk tank only costs $2
  • The asshole in a clown suit just so happens to be an A-list cast and crew, and
  • A few minutes in front of a carnival dunk tank is absolutely nothing in comparison with the 106-minute drubbing this movie puts you through.

But, hey, what can I say? So long as there are still hard-working people out there more than willing to fork over their money, there will always be a dunk tank at the cinema.

Step right up. Place your bets.

(Paranoia opens nationwide this coming Friday.) Continue reading

A List of 21 Non Sequiturs I Jotted Down During a Recent Screening of The Movie ‘Jobs’

  1. Will Apple be offering this movie via iTunes?
  2. Woz = Ewok, Wookie, Cha-Ka, etc.
  3. Woz up?
  4. Delaney tweet
  5. After-school special
  6. iMagination Nil
  7. “Let’s not go to Silicon. It’s a silly place.”
  8. Ashton Kutcher just Punk’d Steve Jobs.
  9. Kutcher is to Steve Jobs as Jim Carrey was to Kaufman
  10. Kutcher has annoying habit of either over- or under-enunciating hard consonants
  11. Did Jobs envision himself being played by an underwear model?
  12. Matthew Modine, Dark Knight Rises (suddenly popping up all over the big screen)
  13. Joshua Michael Stern, Director – Swing Vote? (Oi vey)
  14. Still waiting for the brilliant tell-all documentary
  15. Never make casting decisions based upon a headshot
  16. Chris Kutcher
  17. Dig up Woz reaction
  18. Looking forward to DVD featurette during which lead cast continually refers to Steve Jobs’ life and career as his “journey”.
  19. Jobs: It’s the “Lisa” of big-money biopics
  20. Movie feels like it might’ve been researched by a crack team of interns
  21. How can America rid itself of its Kutcher problem, once and for all?

(Jobs arrives in theaters nationwide this Friday, August 16th.) Continue reading

Moving On: Every Road Leads Back To Wildwood

Harold-Feinstein-Bad-Luck-Tattoo-Coney-IslandBy Bob Hill

Ernest Ingenito was a wayward seed, boy; a stinkin’ varmint void of core.

Ernest Ingenito, who spent his adolescence spinning in and out of juvie, who was drafted during World War II; who was dishonorably discharged after assaulting his commanding officer; who served a two-year bid at Sing-Sing before settling down in southern Jersey; who found himself a second wife and built himself a family; who drifted into exile; who philandered like a hog.

Ernest Ingenito, boy, who lit out across the Pine Barrens one November night in 1950, en route to see his estranged wife and two children; who forced his way in through their parlor before gunning down his father-in-law; who shot his wife down with a carbine while both sons hid down the hall; who chased his mother-in-law out through a door, across a field, into a home, where he blew her brains against a wall.

Ernest Ingenito, boy, whose batshit crazy killing spree claimed the lives of five innocent people while critically injuring four more; whose wife, Theresa, lived to tell despite a bullet in her torso; who, upon final sentencing, was quoted as insisting, “I am sorry about them, naturally. But I do not feel as if I am responsible at all.”

Ernest Ingenito, boy, who benefited from a loophole in the system that allowed him to serve out five life sentences concurrently; who was released from Jersey Prison during the Spring of ’74; who found a home in Mercer County and sought out work as a stone mason; who’d been remanded to state prison during July of ’94; who would die while serving out 200 years as a result of 38 counts of deviant sexual behavior, each of them involving the prepubescent daughter of his girlfriend.

Ernest Ingenito, boy, who came up hard on the mean streets of Philly; who was stationed in Virginia throughout the height of World War II; who once massacred nine people across both Gloucester and Atlantic Counties; who was born – and for a time, raised – in Wildwood, New Jersey.

***

It was the second week in September, 1994, and I was sitting on a boardwalk bench along the jagged crook at 26th Street, sharing a Marlboro cigarette with a Derry lass named Anna Kaye. Anna Kaye was pale as paper, short and thin with auburn hair. Anna was dressed in orange clamdiggers, still boasting a slight blonde streak from the summer days that had passed.

Anna Kaye was all but stuck now, stuck in Wildwood, stuck in Jersey, having exceeded her work visa more than a year or so before. Anna was renting a one-bedroom down on Spicer Avenue, living alone in the same space that she had once shared with her ex-boyfriend. Anna ran the boardwalk games just south of Mariner’s Landing, and – much like me – she’d been scrounging for what little work was still available, tearing down the very tentpole stands where she had previously been employed.

Anna Kaye did not like to talk about her family. She never talked about her friends or all the dreams that she had left behind. Anna never talked about the fact that there were now seeds of southern Jersey in her accent; that her once-sharp diphthong had since grown dull. Anna never talked about the fact that barring marriage, fraud or deportation, she might never see North Ireland again. She was a stranger in a strange land now, a disconnected number with no further information. As a consequence, Anna had grown ultra-inquisitive, forcing the arc of idle discourse to prevent it from circling back to her.

Anna Kaye and I were on a half-hour break, mulling over a page-one story from The Philadelphia Inquirer. This story was about a 17-year old named Dolores DellaPenna who’d gone missing from the Tacony section of Northeast Philadelphia during July of 1972. According to The Inquirer, 11 days after DellaPenna disappeared, her arms and torso had been discovered off an old dirt road in Ocean County, New Jersey – every fingertip shaved down to avoid identification. One week later, DellaPenna’s legs were discovered along an unbeaten stretch of Route 571, eight miles removed from the original site.

DellaPenna’s head had never been recovered, nor had anyone ever been officially charged in connection with the crime. But her story had suddenly taken on new relevance, thanks in large part to a pair of highly credible state’s witnesses, both of whom had surfaced almost simultaneously, more than 20 years after the crime.

Both witnesses were prison inmates, one of them an outlaw biker who had previously written to DellaPenna’s father, confessing he was the former owner of a borrowed vehicle that was used in the abduction. The second witness, who was only 16 years old at the time of the attack, put himself inside a North Philadelphia auto garage where he claims DellaPenna had been taken on that evening. According to the second witness’s testimony, DellaPenna had been brutally beaten and then gang-raped by a small group of drug dealers, all before being held down and dismembered via a machete.

Dolores DellaPenna, the second witness insisted, was still very much alive when the dismembering began.

The one significant detail both witnesses seemed to agree upon was that Dolores DellaPenna had originally been marked for abduction following the alleged theft of a small quantity of drugs from a summer stash house located in Wildwood Crest, New Jersey.

Twenty-two years had passed between Dolores’s initial abduction and the point at which these two witnesses had come forward. Due to the delay, three of the six main suspects were now dead.

***

The violent crime rate in Wildwood had dropped by an astounding 16% during 1994, including a 26% drop in sexual assaults and a 23% drop in aggravated assaults. The local police force had gotten back to making quality arrests, improving its year-to-year clearance rate by 6%. Nonetheless, the island’s public image was continuing to suffer, due in large part to several highly-publicized incidents that had taken place inside the city limits. There was the unresolved matter of Rene Ouellet – a Canadian transsexual who had disappeared into the Wildwood night during the summer of 1992. There was also the long-lingering matter of Susan Negersmith, a 20-year old from Carmel, New York whose 1990 death in Wildwood had been ruled accidental, despite 26 separate areas of trauma on her body. In addition, there had been a significant uproar surrounding the recent acquittal of one Stephen Freeman, a 20-year old from Delaware County who had been accused of fatally stabbing his high school rival while on vacation in North Wildwood during the Summer of 1992.

Anna Kaye and I spent close to an hour discussing the ins and outs of Wildwood’s public image on that afternoon.

“So this Stephen Freeman,” Anna asked me at one point, “you’re telling me that he was from Delaware?”

“No,” I said. I was staring straight up at the sky, “Stephen Freeman traveled to North Wildwood from Delaware County. Delaware County is a tiny suburb in southeastern Pennsylvania, about 15 miles north of the Delaware state line. Delaware County is mostly white, upper-middle class, Catholic … you get the idea.”

“And how exactly is it you became such an expert on Delaware County?” Anna Kaye asked sarcastically, “What are ya, from there?”

“Fuck, no,” I said. I was folding up The Philadelphia Inquirer as I stood to leave. “I’m from here.”

Day 600

(Moving On is a regular feature on IFB)

©Copyright Bob Hill

Galleria: Voice Tunnel @ The Park Avenue Tunnel

TUNNEL1-articleLargeWhat exactly do you do when New York City gives you nearly a half-mile worth of underground real estate to use as your own personal canvas? Well, if you’re a Mexican-Canadian artist named Rafael Lozano-Hammer, you fill that space with 150 speakers, 300 booming spotlights and enough reels of cord to cross the Atlantic. Then you invite an entire city down below, and quite literally allow the installation to engage in a conversation with each party – spotlights pulsing panoramically based on the level of ambient noise. The end result feels a little bit like the climactic scene from Close Encounters, especially during peak hours, which fall anywhere between 9 am and noon over the next couple of Saturdays. The real draw, however, is the fact that the Park Avenue Tunnel is actually open to pedestrians (and closed to traffic) during installation hours. It’s a pretty nice walk for a Saturday.

(Voice Tunnel by Rafael Lozano-Hammer will be on display in the Park Avenue Tunnel this Saturday, August 10th and next Saturday, August 17th, from 7 am to 1 pm.)

Five More For The Offing: 

Film Capsule: Prince Avalanche

Prince Avalanche feels slow and labored, and there are entire sequences that lead one to believe David Gordon Green’s screenplay should have been adapted for the stage. But there’s also a whole lot of living in between, thanks in large part to the casting of Paul Rudd – an A-List rom-commer whose commitment to this role is evident in everything from the cheesy mustache to the excess weight gain. Otherwise, you’ve got Emile Hirsch doing his very best Jack Black (circa 1995) and that old dude who played Buck Greene in Magnum, P.I. handling the role of backwater sage.

There’s more, of course, including some not-so-subtle subtext about not treating mother nature like a whore. But it’s a long rode to ho in order to get somewhere the majority of us have already been, and you might very well find yourself nodding off along the way.

(Prince Avalanche opens at The IFC Center and Lincoln Plaza Cinemas in New York City this coming Friday.) Continue reading

J.D. Salinger on Reciprocity (1951)

“Among other things, you’ll find that you’re not the first person who was ever confused and frightened and even sickened by human behavior. You’re by no means alone on that score, you’ll be excited and stimulated to know. Many, many men have been just as troubled morally and spiritually as you are right now. Happily, some of them kept records of their troubles. You’ll learn from them – if you want to. Just as someday, if you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you. It’s a beautiful reciprocal arrangement. And it isn’t education.
It’s history. It’s poetry.”

Film Capsule: Europa Report

Most moviegoers are familiar with the found-footage formula by now (i.e., a series of slow-building twists all leading to some big reveal). What’s more? The majority of film buffs have seen this entertainment through and through. They’ve seen Blair Witch or CloverfieldEnd of Watch or Paranormal Activity. In fact, at this point, I’d venture to say the majority of constant fans have grown completely numb to the sensation, specifically because they see that final wrap beat coming up a mile away. They brace themselves against the fervor. They revel in the guessing. And, eventually, they either find themselves desensitized or validated by what happens in the final frame.

And so it goes with Sebastian Cordero’s Europa Report, an outer-space suspense movie so married to found footage that it squanders plot integrity in the process. Here we find an entire screenplay based around the notion that some privatized corporation has recovered uploaded footage from one of its long-lost deep-space capsules (This one bound for one specific moon of Jupiter). The ensuing plotline plays like an apologetic document; a manufactured piece of propaganda from the corporation that funded this doomed mission. The point of this apology, one can only gather, is to deflect mass media criticism by portraying the ill-fated crew as a company of heroes.

Beneath all of the hoopla lies a fairly tight-knit cautionary tale about the depths mankind will plumb in the name of untold resources, the major sticking point being that said story is very often obscured due to the unnecessary found-footage angle … an angle which distracts from what might have been a quasi-relevant story with an infinitely more alarming takeaway.

(Europa Report is currently showing in limited release. It is also available via most OnDemand platforms.)

Continue reading